Spiteful Pineapple Muffins

This is my basic muffin recipe. For Spiteful Pineapple Muffins:

Drain well, a tin of Crushed Pineapple. Save the juice.

Instead of 1 cup milk, use 1/2 cup of canned milk, add saved juice to make 1 cup.

Throw in a handful of coconut with dried ingredients.

That's it. Follow the rest of the instructions as written and you'll be fine!

To get the best out of your flour, always use a spoon and spoon it in your measuring cup, a nice big mountain of flour, then level it with a knife. Believe me, it makes a difference in all your baked goods. Unless of course, the recipe asks you to sift - then sift.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place a bowl of water on lower rack - keeps 'em moist!

Stir or whisk together:

2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

3 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

Mix together:

1/2 cup canola oil

1 cup milk -see note below

2 tsp vanilla

2 eggs

Add wet to dry, stirring just until blended.

Add yummy stuff now, if desired:

fruit, fresh or frozen - blueberries or cranberries - I sometimes add grated orange or lemon peel to the dry stuff if I'm making these particular ones, - partridgeberries - if you're lucky enough to get any, but I would increase the sugar - chocolate chips, raisins, whatever you have lying around. I personally like a combination of blueberries and cranberries - all yummy.

Bake 20 - 25 minutes - if there are frozen berries in them, they will take longer.

Here's the note below: if you use Carnation milk straight from the can, you don't have to dilute it with water. If you're making berry muffins, dilute it with orange juice, and add the grated orange peel. If you're making apple muffins, use apple juice. I have diluted it with frozen juice concentrate, and that works well, just don't use it frozen - best at room temperature, or the batter will be too thick. Experience talks here.

It's best not to put them in a covered container, even when they are cold, or they will become a bit sticky on the top. Experience just can't shut up.

Beef Stew with Crust

Left-over Stew with Crust. When cooking, the crust should cover the Stew !

STEW:
Cut some kind of meat up in cubes. Put flour and seasonings in a plastic bag (I used seasoning salt, pepper, Garlic Plus and Paprika.) Add meat and shake to cover. (I mean shake the meat in the bag. You yourself don't have to shake.)

Meanwhile, add Canola Oil to pan, heat and add floured meat. Fry up until brown on all sides, then add onions, celery, mushrooms, water, and Onion Soup Mix. Pop in oven for about an hour and a half, then add some frozen veggies and a couple of chopped up tomatoes. At this point in time, mine looked a bit too thick, so I added water. I should never have done that. (Yes, I know I don't have amounts or anything. Go with your instincts - it's Stew, for goodness sake, not  some fancy French stuff like Carbonnadeiilig.) Cook for about a half hour more, then pop the crust on top.


CRUST:
In bowl, mix:
2 cups flour
3 tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt


Add:
1/4 cup cold butter, cut in small chunks. Blend in with pastry blender, two knives, or you own little (washed) fingers.


Add:
1 cup of water. Mix with fork until all is sticky. Tip out on a well floured surface (like a table, not a floor) and  pat it lightly a few times, using more flour if needed and forming it into a circle that will almost fit the pan you are using. Carefully lift it and place it on top of the hot stew. Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes, or until it's brownish on top and cooked all the way through.


This is so yummy. When you are cooking a roast of beef or pork, make this and cover the meat during the last 20 minutes or so of cooking. Make sure you have enough liquid in the roaster, as the pastry that sort of droops over the sides of the roast will soak up some of the liquid and become the most sought after (and fought over) part of the meal. We had one 'vegetarian' dinner guest once who couldn't stop eating it, much to our distress. Although it was a bit funny.

Cliff's Recipe for Scottish Tablet

Scottish Tablet Recipe (For Christina, so she can stop whining) 

by Cliff Pike on Sunday, December 19, 2010 at 10:42am

1/2lb butter

1 tsp vanilla extract

4 tbsp corn syrup

2kg fine sugar

1 cup 3.25% milk

2 tins eagle brand condensed milk.

26oz. bottle of Captain Morgan DeLuxe dark rum.

Dig out a pot that you feel is of an adequate size then get one twice as big and use that. When the stuff comes to a boil it acquires a life of its own and does its very best to find its way out of the vessel. Not only that, it burns like the devil when it spits on your hand so wear oven mitts. Slippers are a good idea too. The burn marks and scars on the top of my feet will attest to that. Shorts and no shirt ( this applies to males only ) are definitely out. Safety goggles are optional.

To get started pour out 1oz or so of rum into a small glass and pour it down the hatch. Then add the cup of milk to the pan. Make sure that you use 3.25% milk. Nothing else will do. 2% is mostly water and 1% is water. So if you decide to go with 1% use water instead, it’s cheaper. If you thought this was milk when you bought it you were ripped off.

Taking a sample of sugar from the bag, run a quick test using the 77710e gauge and test it for moisture content. This should be between 0.03% and 0.05% at a relative humidity of between  55% - 65%. If the sugar meets this specification add it to the milk already in the pot. Failure to do this test will result in a very unhappy Christmas.

Pour another ounce or two of rum and wet your throat with it. It will help wash the sugar dust down.

Open both tins of Eagle Brand condensed milk and empty them into the mix. Fight off the crowd who are vying for licking rights to the empty tins. Using one of Poppy Pike’s home-made wooden spoons give everything a good stir until it liquifies, at the same time add a little heat. It is important to keep things stirred up from now on to prevent the sugar from burning at the bottom of the pan. Bring the mix to a slow boil, during which time cut the ½ lb. of butter into smaller chunks and tiss it on. Keep stirring slowly throughout untul the bitter hes malted, and it should boil for about 12 minutesh, give or take half an hour or so.

Another shot or two of rum will go well about now. Gulp!

When the butter hash fully schmelted shcramble to find the candy thermomeme…….thremem……the thing that tells you how hot it ish… that I forgot to menshion above and clip it to the odge of the pet. Don’t shtop shtirrrrring. Now you can add four tbsps of corn syrp, making sure that this is made using Number 2 Yellow Dent Corn. Better pull up a chair or a stool and shiit down because this is impossible to do from the floor. Close one eye and focush on the black stuff in the middle of the theromito…..oh you know what I mean…..until it reashes about 230 -240 ‘grees….then turn back the heat to maintain the bile.  With one hand shtirring and one holding the pot, use the other hand to pour in a teeshpoon full of valinna extract. All the ingradaen……stuff ish now in the pit.

Rum. Little happy dance. Wheeeeee!    Oops, keep stirring!

After about twelve minutes or so the colour of the shtuff shood be close to the colour of the wallpaper in our kitshen at 49 Rhonda Road back in 1974. When you see this take the pot away from the heat and keep shtirring until it stops spitting back at you, then beat the crap out of it either by hand or with an electric thingy. After that pour it into two cookie trays lined with parchment paper, that you forgot to prepare beforehand. Let it sit for a couple of hours before etching it to the size of your liking, then set it in the fridge overnight.

Drink whatever is left of the rum.

BETTER MUFFINS THAN THE BEST MUFFINS I USED TO MAKE

To get the best out of your flour, always use a spoon and spoon it in your measuring cup, a nice big mountain of flour, then level it with a knife. Believe me, it makes a difference in all your baked goods. Unless of course, the recipe asks you to sift - then sift.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Place a bowl of water on lower rack - keeps 'em moist!

Stir or whisk together:

2 cups flour

1 cup sugar

3 tsp baking powder

1/2 tsp salt

Mix together:

1/2 cup canola oil

1 cup milk -see note below

2 tsp vanilla

2 eggs

Add wet to dry, stirring just until blended.

Add yummy stuff now, if desired:

fruit, fresh or frozen - blueberries or cranberries - I sometimes add grated orange or lemon peel to the dry stuff if I'm making these particular ones, - partridgeberries - if you're lucky enough to get any, but I would increase the sugar - chocolate chips, raisins, whatever you have lying around. I personally like a combination of blueberries and cranberries - all yummy.

Bake 20 - 25 minutes - if there are frozen berries in them, they will take longer.

Here's the note below: if you use Carnation milk straight from the can, you don't have to dilute it with water. If you're making berry muffins, dilute it with orange juice, and add the grated orange peel. If you're making apple muffins, use apple juice. I have diluted it with frozen juice concentrate, and that works well, just don't use it frozen - best at room temperature, or the batter will be too thick. Experience talks here.

It's best not to put them in a covered container, even when they are cold, or they will become a bit sticky on the top. Experience just can't shut up.

Chocolate-Oatmeal Cookies

1 cup plus 2 tbsp shortening (Butter Flavoured Crisco is good here!)
2 cups white sugar
2 eggs
4 tbsp water (I use milk instead)
3/4 cup cocoa
2 tsp vanilla
2 cups flour
1 tsp baking soda
2 cups quick cooking rolled oats

Cream shortening and sugar
Beat in eggs, water, and vanilla

Whisk together - flour, baking soda and cocoa and stir into creamed mixture. Stir in oats. (This is a sticky dough, be prepared to get your hands all yucky.)

Form into 1" or so balls and dip into sugar - place on either greased or parchment covered cookie sheet, and flatten a bit with the bottom of a glass - they will look like peppermint patties now. (This works better if there isn't an indent on the bottom of your glass.) Then you will notice that the sugar you dipped the balls in sort of disappears, so I just take each little patty cookie and dip it in sugar all over again.
Bake at 350 degrees for 10 - 12 minutes. I bake mine for 9 1/2 minutes.

Makes about 7 -  7 1/2 dozen depending on the size of your cookies. I got 86 Enough to eat plus share - which, as Martha would say, is a good thing! The recipe says 8 dozen - ???

Best By Far Oatmeal Cookies

2 cups flour
1 cup white sugar
1 cup brown sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 cup shortening
2 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla
1 1/2 cup quick cooking rolled oats
sugar for dipping

In mixing bowl (duh) mix together first 6 ingredients. Add shortening (I use Butter Flavour Crisco), eggs and vanilla. Beat well. Stir in oats. Form into small balls and dip tops in sugar. Place on ungreased cookie sheet (I never use greased cookie sheets anyway, I always use parchment paper on my cookie sheets). Bake at 375 degrees for 10 - 12 minutes - for my oven I leave in about 91/2 minutes.
Makes about 51/2 - 6 dozen depending on the size of the cookies! I got 68 this time around - the recipe said I could get 7 dozen. Yeah, right. How small would they be, I wonder - mine aren't all that big.

Howard's Amazing Stewed Fish

1 pack Basa Fillets
Russet Potatoes, sliced
Onion, sliced
Salt
Pepper
Savoury

Grease casserole dish. Add a layer of fish, then season with salt and pepper. Add a layer of potatoes, season, then a layer of onions, and season. Do one layer of each, or more if you are feeding a crowd. Top of with seasoning and sprinkle savory over top. Bake covered in 325 oven for about 40 minutes to an hour, depending on how deep your dish is. It's done when potatoes are done, just stick a fork in a potato to see. This is really good. Really.